Dude, Where's my Gundam?
by necropenguin
Summary: After a night on the town, Kou Uraki and Mark Curran have a problem, dude. Their Gundam is gone, along with Nina and Cynthia's anniversary gifts. Now Kou and Mark must attempt to retrace their steps, and find the Gundam, to save their relationship in the


The following story is based on actual events, dude...

_A G-Pub production... Produced by Necropenguin... Written by RPGZero, AmuroNT1, and Necropenguin. _

**DUDE, WHERE'S MY GUNDAM?**

_In the early afternoon a Haro alarm clock goes off and a goofy looking dark-haired man wakes up..._

**KOU**

_Kou gets up out of bed and the camera pans around the bedroom and heads out into the living room where a TV is on. On TV, a mass-production Haro is bouncing up and down rapidly._

**HARO**

_The camera pans to the sofa, where another dorky-looking middle aged man is bouncing up and down on the couch mimicking the Haro on TV._

**MARK**

_Kou walks out of his bedroom and plops down onto the sofa next to Mark._

Kou: What's up, Mark? What's on?

Mark: Tech TV!

Kou: Man, I just had the weirdest dream...

Mark: What was it about?

Kou: I... don't remember.

Mark: Yeah. I hate it when that happens.

_The closet door swings open and a slovenly fat man stumbles out._

Kou & Mark: Morning Ryu.

_Ryu walks across the room and starts urinating on a potted plant._

Mark: So, uh, what did we do last night?

Kou: I can't remember... Didn't the girls have a party?

Mark: Yeah that's it! The girls had a party!

Kou: Right.

Mark: Right!

Kou: Were... we there?

Mark: We had to be there. What kind of boyfriends would we be if we weren't?

Kou: Why we would be sucky ones, of course. Be we both know that we don't suck!

Mark: Right.

Kou: Right!

Ryu: No comment...

_Kou and Mark stare at Ryu, looking hurt._

Ryu: Dude, we're losers. Get over it. So did anybody call for me?

Kou & Mark: Nope.

Ryu: All right then...

_Ryu goes back in the closet_

Mark: See you tomorrow, Ryu.

Ryu: Shibby...

_After the closet door closes Mark turns to Kou._

Mark: Are we really losers, dude?

Kou: Well if Ryu said so, maybe it's true?

Mark: Wait, dude, how do we even know Ryu?

Kou: I don't. I thought he was your friend.

Mark: No, I don't know him.

_After a long silence they both shrug off the fact that a total stranger is living in their closet._

Mark: Hey, Kou! I'm hungry!

Kou: Yeah! Me too.

_They both head into the kitchen and open the fridge to reveal..._

Kou: AHHHHHH!!!

Mark: What?

Kou: Is that a carrot!?!

Mark: That's no carrot, dude.

Kou: Hey, you're right. It's not a carrot... It's... pocky!!!

Mark: So that's what a fridge full of pocky looks like!

Kou: Is it possible that we got so totally and completely wasted last night that we bought, like, a years supply of pocky... and then totally forgot about it?

_Mark opens all the kitchen cabinets to reveal... yet more pocky!_

Mark: I'd say it's quite possible!

_Flash-forward. A phone is ringing. Empty boxes of pocky are strewn about the room. The answering machine finally picks up._

Answering Machine: Kou and Mark are shibby at the moment. Please leave your shibby at the beep. Shibby!

_Beep!_

Nina: What happened with you guys last night? You showed up with a bunch of people, and pizzas, and a keg and now our house is trashed.

Cynthia: You guys be sucky boyfrenz. You always be dissapointin' us.

Nina: And now you're probably just sitting on the couch in your underwear-

Cynthia: Playin' stoopid video games-

Nina: Wearing your ridiculous flight jackets. And if you are you've probably forgotten our anniversary--

Nina & Cynthia: Which is today!

Nina: And that means you don't get the special treats we had in store for you. We just wanted to call and thank you guys for trashing out house.

Nina & Cynthia: Bye!!!

_The phone hangs up with a sharp click._

Kou: The girls sound upset, dude.

Mark: Ha! Women... It's a good thing we already bought them gifts.

Kou: Yeah. We're so smart!

_Kou looks around._

Kou: So... where are the gifts?

Mark: They must be in your Gundam.

Kou: Right! They're in the GPO3. Okay, so we'll just go and take the gifts over to the girls' house and get our special treats.

Mark: Yeah! Hey, Kou... what do you think they mean by "special treats"?

Kou: Well, Mark, we've been going out with the girls for a year now... and we still haven't had sex. So that must mean "special treats" is code... for SEX!

Mark: Of course! Special treats!

Kou: Sex!

_Someone starts banging on the front door._

An angry voice: Open up you two losers!!!

Mark: It's Lieutenant Burning!

Burning: You slackers left base last night with thirty pizzas and I want some god damn answers!

Kou and Mark: Uh-oh.

Burning: Open up this damn door!

_Burning keeps beating on the door angrily._

Mark: It's open!

_Kou smacks Mark._

Kou: You moron.

_Kou and Mark realize there are a ton of pizzas laying around and they try to hide them. Frantically, Mark throws the last pizza up and it sticks to the ceiling. Burning finally manages to kick the door open and Kou and Mark salute and try to act innocent._

Kou: Hey.

Mark: Hey.

Kou: Lieutenant Burning! Hi! How you doing, sir?

Burning: Thirty pizzas were delivered to base last night on Federation credit, and they all disappeared! Rumor has it that YOU TWO took them all. If I ever find out that you two are trying to make the Federal Forces pick up the tab for your stupidity I will KILL you!

_A piece of pizza begins to dribble from the ceiling._

Kou: Look it's the Delaz Fleet!

Burning: Where?

_Burning spins around and the slice of pizza falls. Kou catches it and throws it away before Burning can turn back around._

Kou: Oh, sorry... It was just some Jehovah's Witnesses...

Burning: Grrrr... You two are the most incompetent, not to mention disappointing, pilots ever to serve in the Earth Federal Forces. Why, a trained dolphin could do a better job then you!

Kou: Well, that's cause the dolphins are Newtypes...

_Burning makes a motion like he's about to deck Kou, but another slice of pizza starts to fall from the ceiling._

Mark: Look! It's a cheap plot device that could spell your doom!

_Burning looks out the window as the slice of pizza falls. Mark catches it and quickly throws it away before Burning turns back._

Burning: A what?

Mark: Sorry. I guess it was just a suitcase. Weird.

Burning: I know you dorks have been screwing around, and I will catch you eventually. And when I do I swear to God I will have your goofball asses court marshaled and beaten publicly!

_Burning leaves, slamming the door behind him._

Mark: Close one, dude.

Kou: Yeah.

_Later, Kou and Mark head outside their apartment, shutting the door behind themselves._

Kou: Okay, so first we go over to Nina and Cynthia's place with our anniversary gifts.

Mark: And then?

Kou: Then we apologize for trashing their apartment.

Mark: And then?

Kou: Then we give them their anniversary gifts.

Mark: And then?

Kou: (_he grins_) Then we get our "special treats"!

Mark: And then?

Kou: ...Dude, that's really getting annoying.

Mark: Sorry.

_Kou stops short and stares across the street in frozen horror._

Kou: Dude... Where's my Gundam?

Mark: Where's your Gundam, dude?

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

Mark: Where's your Gundam, dude?

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

Mark: Where's your Gundam, dude?

Kou: Did I pilot it last night?

Mark: Yeah, I think so.

Kou: Really?

Mark: I'm not sure.

_They both chuckle and look around._

Mark: Dude, where's your Gundam?

Kou: Dude, it's not funny, dude. The GPO3 is gone.

Mark: Hey. Yeah.

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

_Mark laughs in his confusion._

Kou: Shut up, dude!

Mark: Look. All right... look. You're right. I know what we need to do. We need to get back into the state of mind that we were in last night that way we can retrace our steps.

Kou: Yeah!

Mark: So, uhhh... What state of mind were we in last night?

_Kou stares at Mark in disbelief._

Kou: We were wasted! Remember?

Mark: No, not really. I was too wasted...

Kou: Right... Wanna go to Chandra's?

Mark: Shibby!

Kou: Yeah.

_They start walking. They get halfway down the block before they get tired and start whining._

Mark: I'm sick of walking, dude. I don't think I can go on.

Kou: Me either.

_A pink limousine rounds the corner._

Mark: Hey, it's Miss Releena! She'll give us a ride.

_Mark runs out into the street waving his arms to try and flag down Releena's limousine._

Kou: Hey, Miss Peacecraft!

Mark: Hey! Hey! Miss Releena!

_**BLAMO!** The limo speeds up and swerves to the shoulder of the road, hitting Mark and sending him flying._

Releena: Good work, Pagan. You really nailed those fuckin' losers.

Pagan: My pleasure, madam.

_The limo drives away as Kou runs over to Mark, who is laying dazed in the gutter._

Kou: She must not have recognized you, dude... Oh, hey, it's the Winners.

Mark: Oh, yeah!

_Kou runs into the street to try and flag them down._

Kou: Mr. Winner! Hey, Mr. Winner.

_**Slam!** The car hits Kou, knocking him to the side of the street where he lands on top of Mark._

Kou: Maybe... we should just... walk...

Mark: Yeah...

_Later in Chandra Sijiema's backyard..._

Kou: Listen, Chandra, the GPO3's gone and we need to get back into the state of mind that we were in last night so we can find it.

Chandra: Deep in your consciousness you must look. Concentrate on the knowledge inside you must. Aha! Your eyes you must close.

_Kou pokes Chandra Sijiema's snake with a stick. Chandra continues to chant in an undecernable foreign language as Kou and Mark throw things at Chandra's snake._

Chandra: Ahem! Concentrating you are not.

Kou: Dude, is your snake dead?

Chandra: My snake is not dead. Watch. Come here. Come here, snake.

_The snake moves not._

Kou: I don't think he's coming.

Mark: Maybe he's deaf, dude.

Chandra: Deaf he is not. Come here, snake. Come here, snake.

Mark: Does he know any other tricks besides... not... moving?

_They both laugh_

Chandra: All right. You wanna see a trick? I'll show you a trick!

_Chandra pulls out a pipe that looks like a cobra._

Chandra: Hey, snake. Heh heh heh! Yeaaah!

_The snake immediately gets up and slithers over._

Chandra: Yeah, bite down snake! Here comes the fun. Neo Jamaica's finest! All right!

_Chandra lights the pipe and the giant cobra starts smoking it._

Chandra: Awww, good boy snake. Good boy. Breath deep. There you go.

Kou: Dude, your snake's a stoner!

Chandra: Yeah, all he does is pretty much lay around and smoke his pipe.

Mark: Hey, snake can I see your pipe?

Chandra: No, don't--

_The giant cobra attacks Mark viciously, coiling around him and half-way swallowing him._

Chandra: Snake is very protective of his pipe. When other people touch it, he does not like it.

Mark: Sorry, snake.

_Mark drops the pipe and the snake horks him out._

Chandra: Yeah. See, he's sorry.

Kou: Holy crap.

Mark: That's one psycho snake, dude.

_The giant cobra coils up and goes back to smoking its pipe._

Kou: Yeah, dude. Hey, you know what we should do now?

Mark: Eat?

Kou: No... Eat! Come on, Chandra!

Chandra: You actually think I'd want to be seen in public with you losers? No way? Get the hell out of here!

_Chandra throws Kou and Mark out of his yard and into the street._

Kou: Come on, Chandra. Just help us find my Gundam!

Chandra: No! Now screw off!

_Kou and Mark, feeling defeated, start walking again. They stop awhile later when Mark sees something interesting walking down the street._

Mark: Look, dude! It's Rain Mikamura!

Kou: Wow! The hottest of the hot. The el fuego of all that is el fuego.

_Rain waves at Kou and Mark._

Kou: Did she just wave at us?

Mark: No way! She would never wave at losers like us.

Kou: Then why did she just wave at losers like us?

Mark: I don't know. Maybe she thinks we're other people-- people who aren't losers-- non-loser people that she actually waves to.

Rain: Hi, Mark.

Mark: Hi. Tee hee hee.

Rain: Hi, Kou. I had a really good time last night.

Kou: Uh... me too.

Rain: That was some crazy party, huh?

Kou: Yeah... Uh, hey, have you seen my Gundam?

Rain: Well, I saw it last night... Well, I mean I saw the **_cock_**pit.

Kou: Oh, no... I'm looking for the whole thing.

Rain: Well you could just go out and buy another one, especially with all the money you had last night.

Kou: Money?

Rain: Yeah, don't you remember you had that really big suitcase full of money?

Kou: A suitcase full of money?

Rain: Yeah! Don't you remember you tried to give me $500 to show you my hoo-hoos?

Kou: Five hundred dollars?

Mark: Hoo-hoos?

_Mark feints at the thought._

Rain: You mean you don't remember anything?

Kou: Nope.

Mark: (_still lying on the ground_) Maybe if we could get a little reminder it would help--

_God Gundam's Core Lander pulls up to the side of the street and Domon and the rest of the Shuffle alliance jump out._

Chibodee: All right!

Domon: Are these losers bothering you, Rain.

Rain: No, Domon.

Domon: Losers like you could never score with a chick like this. You guys should just stick to your own kind.

Rain: Why do you have to be such a jerk?

Domon: Next time I catch you guys bothering my girl, (_he smashes his fists together_) it's loser-bashing time!

Kou & Mark: Oh yeah?

_The Shuffle Alliance closes in around them menacingly._

Kou & Mark: (_whimper_) Okay.

Domon: Consider this your warning.

_Domon snaps his fingers and Argo and Chibodee grab Kou and Mark and throw them into a dumpster._

Domon: Later, losers!

_The Shuffle Alliance jumps back into the Core Lander and they leave._

Mark: (_still in the dumpster_) Dude, we paid Rain Mikamura $500 to see her hoo-hoos!

Kou: Shibby!

Mark: High-five.

_Both laugh and high-five each other._

Kou: Let's get out of here.

_They hop out of the dumpster and start walking again._

Mark: That Rain Mikamura is super-hot.

Kou: So where did we get a suitcase full of money, dude? And why don't we have it now?

Mark: Maybe we deposited it in a Neo Swiss bank account?

Kou: Now if we had a ridiculous sum of money... where would we go?

_Mark pulls a matchbook out of his pants pocket that has the logo of the Shrike Club on it._

Mark: Dude...

_Flashforward. Kou and Mark stand outside the Shrike Club and gaze at the neon sign on the roof: a giant Gun-EZ mobile suit girl._

Kou & Mark: Sweeet!

_They head inside where a bunch of strippers dressed as mobile suit girls are doing their thing._

Kou: No way we were here last night. Normally security would throw us out of a place like this.

One of the pole dancers: Look everyone. It's Mr. Kou and Mr. Mark.

All the girls: Hi!!!

Kou: Woah! Look at the funnel rack on that MS Girl!

Mark: Nice!!!

Barhottie: Good afternoon, Kou and Mark. How are you both feeling today?

Kou: A little fuzzy, actually.

Large Woman: Hi, Mark. Hi, Kou. Did you guys enjoy yourselves last night?

Kou: Uh... Have we met before?

Mora: It's me-- Mora. Remember last night when I gave you that super-special, slippery, wet lap dance.

Kou: Uh... Of course. How can I forget?

Mora: You wanna do it again? This time it's on me...

Kou: Uh... if you say so.

_Mora leads Kou into the back room, leaving Mark up front._

Mark: Uhhh... So did I get some sort of special lap dance?

Barhottie: No.

Mark: Awww...

_In the back room, Mora sits Kou down in a chair._

Kou: Sweet! So... Just how super-special can a slippery wet lap dance be?

_Mora grabs Kou by the throat._

Mora: What the hell were you thinking! Spending my money like that? That wasn't part of the plan!

Kou: You're a--

Mora: I'm a manly lover!

Kou: What does that mean?

_Mora pulls up her skirt._

Kou: UGGGGGH!!! Dude, you're a dude! That's-- Ah-- You-- It's-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

_Kou tries to run but Mora grabs him by his pencil neck and slams him into the ground._

Mora: Last night I gave the two of you a suitcase of stolen money to sneak out of the Shrike Club.

Kou: Stolen money? I--

Mora: $200,000.

Kou: $200,000!?!

Mora: I gave you the suitcase and left. You guys were supposed to meet me later at the G-Pub and give me back the suitcase... but you never showed up! Where's that suitcase?

Kou: I don't know.

Mora: You don't know.

_Mora squeezes Kou's throat a little tighter._

Mora: Where's that suitcase?

Kou: It's... in... my Gundam.

Mora: Than get it! Fast! Or else I'll go Big-Zam on your RB-79's!

_Mora releases Kou from her iron grip. Kou runs out of the back and finds Mark trying desperately to hit on the Shrike Club girls._

Kou: Dude! Dude!! Dude!!! We gotta go!!!

Mark: What are you crazy!?! I'm surrounded by hot mobile strippers.

Kou: Seriously dude, this is an emergency.

Mark: So is this, dude! It's a hot mobile stripper Gouf heat rod dominatrix emergency!

_Kou drags Mark away by the ear._

Mark: Bye!

The girls: Bye! Bye, Mark!

Mark: I love you!

_Later the two are walking down street as Kou tries to explain to Mark what happened._

Kou: All right, apparently we were supposed to meet Mora with a suitcase full of $200,000... and we just didn't show up.

Mark: That sounds like us! Always screwing up!

Kou: That's harsh, dude...

Mark: Okay, so how wasted were we last night?

Kou: Well we paid to see Rain's Mikamira's hoo-hoos, we're on the hook for $200,000 that belongs to the she-hulk, and my Gundam is still gone. Yeah, I'd say we were pretty wasted.

Mark: Dude, we really need to find your Gundam...

Kou: Okay... let's see. What was the last place we remember being last night? It was--

Mark: The girls house... But we can't show up without their anniversary gifts.

Kou: I know! We'll just get them a little something for now and then when we find the Gundam we'll give them their real anniversary gifts. (_Kou rummages through his pockets_) I have a dollar... What do you have?

_Mark empties his pockets and Kou counts their combined loot._

Kou: --and thirty-nine cents...

Mark: I don't think this is going to work.

Kou: Trust me. It's gonna work.

Mark: Okay.

_Some time later Kou and Mark arrive at Nina and Cynthia's house. The house is completely trashed, with toilet paper hanging from trees, drunk peopleand crashed mobile suits strewn around the property, and several small fires lit on the lawn._

Kou: We... are... dead...

Mark: Affirmative...

_They go inside to face the wrath of the girls._

Nina: We've been cleaning all morning! What do you guys have to say for yourselves?

Kou and Mark: Ummm... Happy anniversary!

Cynthia: What, foo?

**THE GIRLS**

_Kou hands the girls a small box. Nina opens it to reveal a half-eaten box of chocolates._

Kou: We ate all the dark ones 'cause we know you guys don't like those.

Cynthia: What you got against dark things, huh?

Kou: N-N-Nothing...

Nina: The dark chocolates are the only kind we do like...

Mark: But... Well... Y-y-you-- you could use the box to keep stuff in!

_The girls give Kou and Mark the stare. _

Nina: You losers forgot our anniversary didn't you?

Kou: Of course not. No! We got you girls great anniversary gifts. We just had some mechanical problems.

Nina: Oh! So now you're saying that I do a lousy job tuning up the Gundam!

Kou: Noooo. We came over here to help.

Mark: Yeah. We came over here as soon as we could to help you clean up, but... Oh noes... It looks like you're already all done.

Cynthia: All we gots left to do is take out da trash.

Kou: (_whispering to Mark_) I guess they haven't been outside yet.

Mark: Oh.

Kou: You know what girls? We'll take out the trash. You gals just get yourselves cleaned up.

Mark: Yeah. You deserve some rest after all that cleaning! Go ahead and take a breather.

Nina: No really, we'll take out the trash. Come on Cynthia, you can help!

Cynthia: Yeah, gurl!

_They grab Kou and Mark and drag them towards the front door._

Kou: Wait! Wait, wait!

Mark: We won't be sucky boyfriends anymore! We promise!

_TOSS!!! Nina and Cynthia throw Kou and Mark out their house and onto the front lawn._

Nina: You guys can't do anything right.

Cynthia: Why you always gots to mess everything up?

_The girls slam the door._

Kou: I got three words for you: Less coffee!

Mark: Yeah!

_They both stand up and dust themselves off._

Mark: Dude, we really need to find your Gundam.

_Tires screech as a minivan pulls up. The side door slides upon and two assailants in Zeon flight suits grab Kou and Mark and pull them into the van._

Kou: Hey!

Mark: OW!!!

_The sliding side door of the van slams shut and the vehicle starts drives off._

Man in the passenger seat: Hey, guys. Sorry about yanking you off the street like that, but we really need to talk to you.

Kou: Who are you guys?

Denim: My name is Denim. This is Slender, Skippy, and... uh... Gene.

Gene: Hey.

**GENE**

Denim: To answer your question more specifically, we are the recipients of instructions from spacenoids regarding the interstellar path to outer space.

Kou & Mark: ...

Gene: Go ahead and laugh at us. We're used to being laughed at.

Kou: And blown up too, I'll bet!

Mark: Hey could you do that thing! You know! "It's a Gundam! BOOM!"...

_Kou and Mark laugh hysterically._

Denim: We have been sent by our wise and powerful leader--

All the weirdos: Zabi (_They all make a dorky Z sign with their hands_)

Denim: --to find you and recover the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: Hey... Have you guys ever been to Uranus?

Denim: Yes.

Mark: Oh... Well... That ruined my joke.

Denim: Listen to me! This is important. We intercepted an interstellar laser communication that leads us to believe that last night you two were in possession of the Minovsky Transfunctioner. Where is it now?

Mark: The what?

Slender: The Minovsky Transfunctioner is a very mysterious and powerful device.

Mark: And?

Gene: And its mystery is only exceeded only by it's power.

Mark: And?

Gene: That's it...

Mark: Oh...

Kou: I'm sorry, but we don't remember a thing about last night.

Skippy: You guys really were wasted...

Denim: You must both take care. Danger follows the Minovsky Transfunctioner. So says--

All of them: (_making a Z sign with their hands_) Zabi!

Kou: I'll tell you what. You know, uh, we'll keep our eyes out for the Monopoly Trans-ding-a-ling thing, and if we find one we'll let you guys know.

Denim: Yes, you must. But remember you are in grave danger. You can trust no one!

Gene: Except for us.

Denim: Oh yes! Thank you, Gene. Good point. You can trust no one... except for us--

All of them: (_They make the Z sign_) ZABI!!!

_The van stops and they ditch Kou and Mark on the curbside and drive off._

Kou: Okay, dude... Let's recap what's happened so far.

Mark: Why? If the readers are lost, can't they just scroll up?

Kou: Yes. But this is more convenient.

Mark: Okay!

Kou: All right... At some point last night we lost my Gundam. We also accepted stolen money from a manly stripper, and now some cannon-fodder dweebs want us to find something we can't even pronounce! I hate to say it Mark, but maybe we should cut back on the shibbyin'.

_Mark slaps Kou upside the head._

Kou: Thanks, dude...

Scirocco: Hey! You guys are right on time. You two came to pick up your special suits I take it?

Kou: Huh?

Scirocco: Here at Pappy Scirocco's Pimping Pimpotorium, you guys came in really wasted last night with a fat stack of cash and asked me to make you some extra special pimp suits. Usually I would just beat you two up on sight and laugh, but what can I say... I love money! Come on!

_Scirocco grabs Kou and Mark by the arms and leads them inside. Kou and Mark begin to undress to go into their dressing rooms when Kou notices something on Mark's back._

Kou: Ohh! Dude, you got a tattoo!

_Kou points to the tattoo that reads "Mark" on Mark's back between his shoulders. Mark spins around frantically trying to read his own back to no success. Kou turns around and Mark glimpses a tattoo on Kou's back that reads "Kou"._

Mark: What!?! You got one too, dude!

Kou: Nah!

Mark: Dude, what does my tattoo say?

Kou: Mark! What about mine?

Mark: Kou. What does mine say, dude?

Kou: Mark. What about mine?

Mark: Kou. What does mine say?

Kou: MARK! What about mine?

Mark: KOU! What does mine say?

Kou: Mark. What about mine?

Mark: Kou. What does mine say?

Kou: Mark! What about mine?

Mark: Kou. What does mine say?

Kou: Maaaaar-kah! What about mine?

Mark: Kooooo-ouu! What does mine say?

Kou: MAAAARK!!!

Mark: I've had it.

_The two begin to slapfight._

Scirocco: Idiots!

_Paptimus walks over and grabs them both by the ears._

Scirocco: Your tattoo says "Kou." Your tattoo says "Mark." Got it?

Kou & Mark: Oh...

Kou: Sorry.

Mark: Hey--

_They start to hug._

Scirocco: You two make me physically ill...

Kou: Sorry.

Mark: Sorry.

_They head into their dressing rooms. They step out later in spiffy-looking pimp suits, complete with wide-brimmed hats with giant feathers._

Kou & Mark: Shibby!

Scirocco: Very sharp! Very sharp, indeed! You are two very pimptastic, extra-swarthy, funky-looking dudes. (_Scirocco chuckles under his breath_)

Kou: So we bought these last night?

Scirocco: Oh yeah, you were pretty wasted last night.

Mark: How much are these?

Scirocco: Oh, you already paid for them last night. I just had to send them to my sweatshop of underage children so they could make alterations-- you know, like add the secret pockets you wanted.

Kou: Hey, maybe we've got the Monopoly Trans-spatula. (_he digs through the pockets in his pimp suit_) What's this?

_Kou pulls out a kaleidoscope._

Kou: Oh, dude!

_Mark pulls a small mechanical bird out of his pocket._

Mark: Sweet!

_Torii flies off and crashes into a pane of glass and breaks as Mark continue to rummage through his pockets, he pulls out a small green ball._

Mark: Cool! It's a haro puzzle ball!

_Mark begins to fiddle with the haro puzzle ball._

Kou: Excuse me Paptimus, but how did we pay for these very pimping pimp suits?

Scirocco: You paid cash. Cold hard cash! Crispy new hundred dollar bills! (_he begins to drool slightly at the corner of the mouth_)

Kou: Hey! You didn't by any chance see what Gundam we were in, did you?

Scirocco: No... Actually I didn't see you guys come in a Gundam--

_A cell phone with "The Winner" set as the ringtone goes off in Kou's pocket. Kou pulls out several pieces of paper until he finally finds the phone, which he then answers._

Kou: Uh, hello?

_Mark knocks on the window from outside, while talking on his own cell phone._

Mark: Dude! We bought cell phones, too!

_Mark holds up his cell phone triumphantly._

Kou: (_looking at the receipts he pulled out his pockets_) That's not all we bought, dude.

_In Kou's imagination, he and Mark are at a pool party in their pimp suits doing their best to bust a move. They are surrounded by a multitude of sweet, sweet, bosomy babes, but when Kou starts to dance the foxy ladies shake their heads and leave..._

Kou: (_whimper_) The fly honeys even turn me down in my dreams...

_End Kou's imaginary pool party. Kou and Mark are now cruising down the street in a rental Ball. They stop to get some munchies at a corner store. Kou gets a popsicle and walks back outside where Mark is standing by their Ball fiddling with the haro puzzle ball._

Kou: Dude, I can't believe we rented a Ball last night. Jeez, how wasted were we... (_Kou looks at the rental papers_) But, somebody else signed for the rental... Who's Feddie Acepilot?

Mark: That's my alter ego.

Kou: Oh yeah! No, wait... I thought that was _my_ alter ego.

Mark: No! Feddie Acepilot is _my_ alter ego. _Your_ alter ego is Acey McFed.

Kou: Oh yeah!

_They both chuckle._

Kou: Dude, you're never going to figure out how to solve that puzzle ball.

_The alarm on Kou's watch goes off._

Kou: Okay, dude. Lunch break's over. Time to get back to finding my Gundam.

Mark: This darn thing is impossible.

_Mark pockets the haro puzzle ball as a group of five girls walks up._

Puru: Are you Kou and Mark?

Kou: Huh?

Puru: Are you Kou and Mark?

Kou: Uh... Why?

Puru: If you are Kou and Mark, perhaps we will give you erotic pleasure.

Mark: (_raising his hand)_ Yeah! That's us!

Kou: Right here, baby!

Puru: We are looking for the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: Who are you guys?

Puru: We are not guys. We are hot girls.

Mark: Why yes, you are... But what do you want Minovsky Trans-whatever for anyway?

Puru Two: The Minovsky Transfunctioner is a very mysterious and powerful device.

Mark: And?

Puru Three: And its mystery is only exceeded by its power.

Mark: And?

Puru Four: That is it.

Mark: Oh...

Kou: Well that isn't a really helpful tip. You're going to have to give us a little more to go on if you want us to find it.

_The Puru group steps closer to Kou and Mark. The lead Puru takes the popsicle out of Kou's hand. As Kou watches, the Puru deepthroats the popsicle and leaves nothing but the stick. Kou and Mark almost feint at the site._

Kou: WOAH! I think that's enough for me to go on!

Puru: We will give you pleasure now... if you give us the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: Let me make sure I'm hearing you right... First, you'll give us the... uh... the pleasure (_giggle_), then we give you the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Puru: No. First you will give us the Minovsky Transfunctioner, then we give you the pleasure.

Mark: Okay then. How about this? You can give _me_ the pleasure, and then we'll give you the Minovsky Transfunctioner... Oh, yeah... and if you feel like it maybe you could take care of my friend here later.

Kou: DUDE! You sellou-

Puru: Deal.

Mark: SWEET TAP-DANCIN' JESUS! Oh, thank you, God!

Kou: Wait a darn second! Will you wait a second, girls? Please? Come here, Mark.

_Kou grabs Mark by the shoulder and they walk behind their rental Ball to have a private discussion._

Kou: Dude, those cannon fodder dweebs told us not to trust anybody, remember?

Mark: They look trustable... and hot...

Kou: Dude, they look underage... We'd be child molesters! Remember when Char got busted for trying to hook up with underage girls on the internet? This could be a set up just like that, dude!

Mark: For the love of God, Kou, they're offering us pleasure! Dude, we could finally lose our virginity, Kou!

Kou: Wha-- (_he thinks for a moment_) ... Okay!

_Kou and Mark walk out from behind their rent-a-Ball._

Mark: Hey! Where did the hot girls go?

_They look around but the group of Purus is nowhere to be seen. All of a sudden..._

Mora: Where's my money, boys?

Mark: Eep!

Kou: Uh-uh-umm... W-w-we were just going to get it... out of my Gundam... Yeah...

_Mora grabs Kou and Mark by their necks and lifts them both into the air._

Mora: You guys picked the wrong manly-lover to screw with!

Mark: MOMMY!!!

_Sirens can be heard approaching._

Kou: Let's see what the 5-O have to say about this, huh?

_Several green Manhunter vans pull up to the curb with their blue lights flashing, and sirens blazing._

MaHa Officer: FREEZE!!!

_Mora drops Kou and Mark and backs away slowly._

Kou: Ah hah ha! You're busted, girly-man!

_The Manhunter troops leap onto Kou and dispense some good ol' fashioned police brutality. They also grab Mark and cuff him as Mora slinks away._

Kou: I told you those little girls were setting us up!!!

Mark: Does this mean we're going to get to see Char?

Kou: No! It means we're going to be pedophiles, Mark!!! Do you know what they do to pedophiles in prison!?!

Mark: (_crying_) I don't wanna be a registered sex offender, Kou!!!

_They throw Kou and Mark into the back of the green van and bring them downtown..._

_Later at the slammer, Kou and Mark are being interrogated._

MaHa Interrogator: So, you're sticking to the "I can't remember, cause I'm a wasted loser" story?

Kou: Yeah. Because we can't remember.

Mark: Yeah. Because we were wasted last night.

MaHa Interrogator: Yeah. And you're losers.

Kou: Not cool, dude...

MaHa Interrogator: All right you two losers, last night your Gundam was spotted leaving the scene of a major drug deal.

Kou: Wait! You found my Gundam!?! Lemme hug you, dude!

MaHa Interrogator: Don't make me tazer you, boy. Trust me, you losers have more important things to worry about right now than your damn giant robot. So are you going to tell me where were you between the hours of midnight and 2:00 a.m. last night or not?

Kou: I told you, dude. We don't remember anything.

Mark: 'Cause we were wasted! Maybe you should write that down.

MaHa Interrogator: Where were you between the hours of midnight and 2:00 a.m.!?!

Kou: We don't remember!

_The Manhunter Interrogator zaps Kou with his tazer._

Mark: What the--

Kou: OWWW!

MaHa Interrogator: Now do you remember?

Kou & Mark: No.

_Kou gets tazered again._

Kou: FRIGGIN OWWWW!!!

MaHa Interrogator: How about now?

Kou: No!

Mark: Hey! Leave Kou alone, dude! We don't remember anything!

MaHa Interrogator: Are you willing to confess or do we have to do things the hard way?

Kou: Dude, we don't remember anything...

MaHa Interrogator: Have it your way.

_The door to the interrogation room opens and a Manhunter Guard walks in with a bundle of supplies.._

MaHa Guard: Okay. Here are the razor blades and lemon juice you wanted. (_He looks at Kou and Mark_) Hey! It's the pizza guys!

MaHa Interrogator: Huh?

MaHa Guard: I met those two at the Federation Base last night. I started talking to them and they ended up giving us fifteen pizzas for the entire division to snack on.

MaHa Interrogator: Uh... What time did all this happen?

MaHa Guard: Let's see... I guess it was some time between 12:00 and 2:00 a.m.

MaHa Interrogator: Damn! You can't be the guys we're looking for... You're free to go...

_Kou and Mark are un-hand cuffed and escorted out of the interrogation room. _

MaHa Guard: Listen I'm really sorry about all this. It was just a case of mistaken identity. Actually, that's the real drug dealer over there. He's supposedly some big shot from Neo Jamaica.

_The Manhunter Guard points across the room where a Jamaican man, complete with wicked cool dreadlocks, is handcuffed and seated across the hall._

Bob Marley: Dis sucks, mon...

_The Manhunter Guard escorts Kou and Mark to the front desk._

MaHa Guard: This guy here will tell you exactly where your Gundam is. Oh, and thanks for those pizzas.

_The Manhunter Guard leaves._

Kou: Dude, we found the Gundam.

Mark: We found the Gundam, dude!

Kou & Mark: Dude, we found the Gundam, dude!!!

Mark: Now to get those anniversary gifts, go to the girls' house, and get our "special treats!"

Kou: Sweet!

_They high five one another._

Kou: All right, dude, tell us where my Gundam is so we can outta here.

MaHa Clerk: Let's see... All right... Hmmmm...

Mark: What's up?

MaHa Clerk: Did you guys say you wanted your Gundam back or that you wanted your Gundam impounded?

Kou: Uh... We want the Gundam back.

MaHa Clerk: Well isn't that just too damn bad, because your Gundam has been impounded.

Kou: What! Dude, that is not cool? We need to get my Gundam back!

MaHa Clerk: Tough titty, kid. It'll be a few days before you can get it out of impound.

Mark: We don't have a few days, dude.

MaHa Clerk: I don't care. Maybe if you go to the impound lot and beg reaaaally nice-like they'll give it back. (_He laughs_) Yeah right!

Mark: Meany!

Kou: Come on Mark, let's go...

_Kou and Mark leave. _

_Meanwhile at the Federation Base, Burning is in the hangar inspecting the GM squadron._

Burning: Damn hunks of junk...

Puru: Have you seen Kou and Mark?

Burning: WHAT!?!

_Burning turns around and sees the group of Purus._

Burning: Uhhh... What do you want little girls?

Puru: We are looking for Kou and Mark.

Burning: I don't know why you're looking for those fools, and I don't know where those two losers are, but frankly I don't care as long as they aren't here messin' things up. But I bet you those Shuffle Alliance punks know where they're at. They like to beat those two up for fun sometimes.

_Later, the Shuffle Alliance is sitting around shooting the breeze in God Gundam's maintenance bay._

Domon: So then I said: "HEAT END!" and he blew up! HA HA HA HA!!!

_The Shuffle Alliance laughs._

Domon: So Rain, what were you doing talking to those losers anyway?

Rain: They were just being nice to me, Domon... unlike someone I know. You know, maybe it's time I find someone who has a more sensitive side to him, someone who respects me as a person.

Domon: What are you gonna do? Go join Schwartz again?

Rain: Maybe, I'll go join Kou and Mark.

_Rain gets up and leaves. Domon gets peeved and the rest of the Shuffle Alliance gathers around._

Chibodee: Okay, guys. We're gonna find Kou and Mark.

Domon: Yeah! And when we do, it's gonna be loser-bashing time!

_The Puru clones walk in._

Puru: Do you know Kou and Mark?

George: Who are you mademoiselles?

Puru Two: We are hot girls.

Sai: I agree!

Domon: What do ya' want, already?

Puru: We believe Kou and Mark have the Minovsky Transfunctioner. However, if you remove the Minovsky Transfunctioner from their possession and bring it to us, we will give you erotic pleasure.

Argo: I think you are a little too young for the likes of us.

Sai: Speak for yourself, bro! You hot girls have yourselves a deal!

Chibodee: Okay, then! Time for a new plan! First, we find those two losers Kou and Mark, then we beat them up, and then we take the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Sai: Bro, you're forgetting about the erotic pleasure!

Domon: Okay... We'll send you hot girls to meet Cynthia and Nina, while we go beat up Kou and Mark. That'll get them mad at those losers!

_Later at the girls' house, Nina and Cynthia are outside cleaning up the mess. Nina has a fire extinguisher and is putting out the remaining few fires in the front lawn. The Puru clones walk up to them._

Puru: Do you know Kou and Mark?

Nina: Pardon me?

Puru: We are looking for Kou and Mark. Have you seen them?

Cynthia: Who you dawgs be?

Puru Two: We are not dogs. We are hot girls.

Puru: We were supposed to meet Kou and Mark later to give them erotic pleasure, but we cannot wait.

Nina: Well we don't know where they are!

Cynthia: An' I don't give a damn where they cheatin' asses is at anyway!

_Nina and Cynthia go inside their house, slamming the door._

_Back on the other side of town Kou and Mark are now leaving the Manhunter outpost_.

Mark: Dude, let's call Chandra. Maybe he'll be able to help us get the Gundam back now.

Kou: Yeah, sure. Give him a call.

_Mark pulls out his cell phone and calls Chandra's house._

Voice on the phone: Hello?

Mark: Hey, Chandra it's Mark!

Voice on the phone: Hey, Mark... It's me Domon. Chandra is a little tied up at the moment, so why not just tell me where you're keeping that Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: (_sweating nervously_) Uhhhh...

Domon: Your idiot friend and his snake are gonna be dead meat unless I get that Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: I don't speak English! BYE!!!

_Mark hangs up the cell phone._

Kou: What was that about?

Mark: Domon's got Chandra and somehow he knows about the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: How?

Mark: Those double-crossing little lolitas!

Kou: I am so sick of this Minovsky Transfunctioner stuff! If I here about it one more time I'll--

A mans voice: Have you found the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

_Kou and Mark turn around and see Keiun and Zuisen, the Shaolin monks._

Mark: Who are you guys?

Keiun: We are the Shaolin monks--

Kou: Wait. So if you're Chinese monks... then why are you talking like a bunch of Swedish guys?

Zuisen: To fit the role.

Keiun: If I may continue. We are the Shaolin monks, the sacred keepers of the Minovsky Transfunctioner. If it should fall into the wrong hands it could be the end of existence.

Mark: And that would be a bad thing, right?

Zuisen: The Minovsky Transfunctioner is a very mysterious and powerful device and--

Kou: And its mystery is only exceeded by its power. Yeah, I know!

Mark: ... And?

Kou, Keiun, & Zuisen: That's it!!!

Mark: Oh... yeah... Sorry.

Zuisen: Do you have the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Kou: No. We don't have the stupid Minovsky Transfunctioner!

Keiun: But the universe--

Kou: (_in a mock accent_) Who cares about the universe!

_Kou and Mark walk off._

Keiun & Zuisen: We're doomed...

_Later, Kou and Mark finally arrive back at their apartment. They plop down on their sofa and start channel surfing, until there comes a knock at the door and Nina and Cynthia walk in._

Kou & Mark: Hey!

Kou: What are you girls doing here?

Nina: Oh, I just wanted to come by and see how that Gundam trouble thing was going.

Kou: Oh, the Gundam... It's... being repaired.

Cynthia: By those skanky lil' clone girls?

Nina: The ones that you were supposed to meet for pleasure!

Kou: Girls, you see--

Mark: It's Kou's fault!

Nina: Today was our anniversary, and not only did you not have gifts but you dumped us for those little girls...

Cynthia: Even while we was at home cleaning up the mess you idiots made when you threw that party last night!

Nina: You guys really are losers! Kou, it's over!

Cynthia: I'm breakin' you off, Mark! You were both sucky boyfrenz'!

_Nina and Cynthia storm out of Kou and Mark's apartment._

Kou: I guess everybody was right about us after all... We are losers...

Mark: I don't even know what kind of gift I got...

Kou: Me either...

Mark: Do you think we got them sucky gifts?

Kou: Probably, since we suck...

Mark: Yeah...

Kou: Wait a second! We may be sucky characters, and sucky heroes, and darn it we might even be sucky mobile suit pilots, but we can't be sucky boyfriends! You know why?

Mark: Why?

Kou: Because we love the girls!

Mark: Yeah! I love Nina and you love Cynthia!

Kou: Dude, you got it backwards...

Mark: Oh yeah... Thanks, dude. _I_ love Cynthia, and _you_ love Nina.

Kou: Right! So now that we know that we're sucky losers, we can change for the better! It's called character development! We should try it!

Mark: You're absolutely right!

Kou: Of course I'm right! And I'll bet you that whatever gifts we did buy the girls, they were really sweet, you know why?

Mark: Yeah!

Kou: 'Cause we love them!

Mark: Right! So what are we gonna do?

Kou: Well, we're gonna go down to the impound yard and get the Gundam back, no matter what it takes! Then once we have the Gundam, we'll have the gifts. Then we'll go over to the girls' house and beg them to be our girlfriends again!

Mark: And then we get our "special treats"!

Kou: Right!

Mark: Let's roll!!!

_Kou and Mark arrive at the Manhunters impound yard in their rent-a-Ball. They go inside and see a familiar face at the front gate._

Judua: Kou, Mark, what are y'all doing here?

Kou: Judua, I never knew you worked for the Manhunters.

Judua: Not really. The used mobile suit business has been slow lately, so Garrod suggested we start taking work from the Manhunters... so here we are.

Kou: So did you guys get my Gundam? It's an early model RX-78GPO3 Dendrobium Orchis.

Judua: Well, Kou, we got your Gundam in this morning--

Kou & Mark: Shibby!

Judua: But unfortunately, not only did we impound it, but we tagged it and auctioned it off.

Mark: What!!!

Kou: Okay, who bought my Gundam!?!

Judua: Actually I'm just finishing the paperwork now, but here at Judua and Garrod's Used Mobile Suit Dealers, customer privacy is our first priority. Sorry, guys, but I can't tell you who bought it.

Kou: Aww... come on Judua!

Judua: Sorry guys, rules are rules.

_Judua files the papers concerning the sale of the GPO3 and walks into the back room._

Mark: Well now what?

Kou: Simple Mark! The first step to character development is stealing your own mobile suit, so... uhmmm... just hop over this counter and root through that file cabinet to see if you can find that paper Judua had so we can see who bought the Gundam!

Mark: Why the hell do I have to do that!

Kou: Simple. Because I already stole my Gundam, but in your movie your suit was given to you, so that already makes me a cooler character cause I already stole something. You have to play catch up, dude

Mark: Screw you and your logic!

Kou: Think of the character development opportunity, Mark! Go for it!

_Mark hops over the counter and opens the file cabinet. No sooner than it is open, Judua walks out of the back room into the front._

Kou: Uh-oh...

Judua: What the hell are you two doing?

Mark: Uh... character development...

Judua: Your ass is gonna develop my foot if you don't get it back over that counter.

_Mark hops back across the counter and stands next to Kou._

Judua: Now look, guys. I talked to Garrod and he said I could tell you who we sold it to, since these appear to be extenuating circumstances, and all.

Kou: Aw, Judua, you're the best!

Judua: No problem.

_Judua hands Kou the paper with the address on it and Kou and Mark exit the impound yard._

Kou: All right, dude. Let's get my Gundam.

Mark: Hey. Check it out. It's those two Chinese monk dudes.

_Across the impound yard Keiun and Zuisen are hiding behind the leg of an impounded Leo._

Kou: Hmmm... I have an idea. The second part of character development!

Mark: What's that?

Kou: Uhmmm... Running like hell from silly-looking Chinese dudes? I don't know, come on.

_Kou and Mark make a break for it. They hop into their rent-a-ball and cruise off. They stop at a red light and a van pulls up along side them._

Mark: Dude... It's those cannon fodder dorks...

Kou: Don't worry. They can't harm us! We're what you call main characters!

Mark: But, dude... That Denim dude is giving me a real mean look.

Kou: Don't worry. If you just mention to him that we have a Gundam, he should explode! They're pathetic!

_Ensign Skippy slides out from behind the Ball's seat and puts a chloroform rag over Kou and Mark's faces. Kou and Mark pass out quickly._

Skippy: Who's the cannon fodder now, bitches!

_Somewhere in la la land, Mark dreams. He is sitting in a posh mansion in a comfy chair, with a goofy smirk on his face._

Puru: Now may I have the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Mark: Hmmm... Maybe later...

Puru: Would you give it to me while I give you additional pleasure?

Mark: We'll see...

_The Puru moves her head down and--_

Kou: DUDE! Wake up!

Mark: Mmmm... Erotic pleasure...

_Mark wakes up_.

Kou: What?

Mark: Ummm... I think I need to change my pants...

_Kou and Mark are both locked in a room in their underwear. The door opens and two men in Zeon flight suits walk in and throw some clothes at Kou and Mark._

Cozun: Get dressed. We're going to the boss' house.

Kou: Nice uniforms.

Akos: They're not uniforms, they're our intergalactic flight suits.

Kou: Yeah, well nice intergalactic flight suits.

_Kou and Mark get dressed and are lead out of the shed and across a large field. They come near a huge mansion and gawk at its awesomeness._

Kou: Wow! Sweet pad! Is this where Zabi lives?

Cozun: No. This is his parent's summer home.

Akos: We're going over there.

_They point to a dilapidated old barn. After reaching the barn, Cozun and Akos force Kou and Mark to enter. They follow the narrow interior hallway and stop outside of a locked door. Cozun and Akos begin a fumble with the keys to unlock the door while Kou and Mark strategize._

Kou: These people are creepy.

Mark: Dude we have to get away.

Kou: Oh! I know! Character development step number three! Make a daring escape in a dire situation!

Mark: Well, how do we do that!?!

Kou: Grab that fire extinguisher and--

Mark: Yeah!

_Mark grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall. He bravely wields it as a mighty weapon, and pulling the tab and pointing away from the body just like the instruction label says, he douses Cozun in Akos in a flurry of flame-retardant chemicals._

Akos: Awww! What the hell was that!?!

Cozun: Do you know how much these suits cost to get dry-cleaned?

Mark: Ummm... No.

Cozun: A lot!

Mark: Uhh... Sorry...

Kou: It's a Gundam!!!

Cozun: WHERE!!?!!

Akos: OH NO!!!!!!

_Cozun and Akos both pass out from sheer terror._

Mark: Well that was simple!

Kou: Dude, you were supposed to hit them with the fire extinguisher...

Mark: That seems kind of harsh.

Kou: Come on, let's just find a way out of here.

Mark: Dude, maybe we should use their intergalactic flight suits as disguises?

Kou: Good idea, dude! I think you just developed some character!

Mark: W00t!

_After donning themselves in the ill-fitting Zeon flight suits, Kou and Mark walk around the barn looking for a way out. Suddenly an alarm goes off and a voice comes over on a loudspeaker._

Loudspeaker: Attention! Our supreme leader Zabi demands your presence in the audience chamber immediately.

_Kou and Mark follow the rest of the cannon-fodder dweebs as they file into one large room and arrange in rows._

Denim: Now presenting, our all-powerful leader, Zabi! (_he makes a Z with his hands_)

All the dorks: (_making Z's with their hands_) Zabi!

_A curtain draws, revealing Garma Zabi, who comes running onto the stage._

Garma: My chosen people, the time has come. The time has come to fulfil our destiny!

All the dorks: (_making Z's with their hands_) Zabi!

Garma: They laughed when we said that we could travel to outer space, and they scoffed at us when we started to wear these flight suits. Yeah, well who's laughing now?

All the dorks: ...

Garma: Do you need a hint or something... It's us!

All the dorks: (_making Z's with their hands_) Zabi!

Garma: Soon we will leave this lame planet and we can live in colonies in outer space, with cool spacenoids who actually like us! It will be like our greatest dreams!

Kou & Mark: (_making Z's with their hands_) Zabi!

_Everyone stares at Kou and Mark. Garma snaps his fingers and Slender and Skippy grab Kou and Mark._

Garma: Ahhh... Kou and Mark. I've been waiting for you two.

Kou: What's up, Garma.

Garma: Nothing much... my dad grounded me.

Mark: Uhhh, Garma, what's up with all this crazy space stuff? You do know there are already colonies in space... I mean this is Gundam after all.

Garma: I just told you my dad grounded me... literally. He won't let me go back into space, so I started a crazy cult and maybe if I help some other spacenoids they'll let us bum a ride back to the colonies.

Kou: Ohhhh! All right!

Garma: Yes. Which brings us to our current impasse...

_Garma snaps his fingers and the curtain opens to reveal Nina and Cynthia bound and blindfolded._

Kou: Nina!

Mark: Cynthia!

Garma: Okay. So here's the deal. Bring me the Minovsky Transfunctioner or your girlfriends will die.

Nina: Why don't you just kill us now...

Kou: Don't worry girls! We'll save you!

Mark: You can count on us!

Cynthia: Just cap me now, dammit...

Mark: Kou, this is it! This is the fifth way to develop our character! Save our girls!

Kou: I thought we were on number four...

Garma: Enough! You will go and retrieve the Minovsky Transfunctioner... And... uh... be quiet on your way out... my sister is home...

_Kou and Mark leave the barn._

Kou: Hey Mark, according to that paper that Judua gave us, the dude who bought my Gundam lives on this street!

_Kou and Mark walk down the street searching for the address of the person who bought their Gundam. They finally find the address on the paper that Judua gave them. The house is surrounded by huge walls that are overgrown with thick vines. Several "Danger" and "No Trespassing" signs hang on the walls. Kou climbs the vines and peers over the walls._

Kou: Dude, I don't see the Gundam anywhere.

Mark: It better be in there. Let's go!

_Kou and Mark climb the walls and jump over, hitting the ground with a soft thud. The property is extremely overgrown, almost like a jungle. Kou and Mark climb to their feet._

Kou: I'm all right... You?

Mark: Shibby.

Kou: Shhh... I heard something.

Mark: What?

Something weird: Hell-lloooo

Mark: Did something just say "hello"?

Kou: I-I-I... I don't know... Come on.

_They keep walking deeper into the brush._

Something weird: Hell-lloooo

_Kou and Mark spin around frantically._

Mark: There it went again! What is that!

Kou: I'm sure it's just a bird or something.

_They turn around again and something small and pink rolls onto the path._

Pink-chan: Harr-rroooo!

Mark: Dude! It wasn't saying "hello", it was saying "haro!"

Kou: So it was just a little pink Haro all this time?

Pink-chan: Harr-rroooo!

Mark: Come on lets go

_Kou and Mark turn back around and see several more Haros have appeared behind them._

Kou: Something, isn't right.

Haro: Intruders detected, haro. Eliminate, haro.

Mark: That did not sound promising, dude!

Kou: RUN!!!

_The Haros begin to bounce after Kou and Mark, launching themselves at the hapless pair like some kind of crazy-ass talking dodgeballs. They run at full speed through the brush to avoid death by Haro._

Kou: Look! A Zaku Tank! We can hide in there!

_Kou and Mark scramble into the cockpit and turn the ignition to start the tank and shut the cockpit hatch-- but nothing happens..._

Mark: Dude... I don't think it's working...

Kou: Not good!

_The Haros bounce into the cockpit. Going for headshots they bounce, slamming themselves into Kou and Mark's heads, knocking them both out cold._

_Back in the void that comprises Mark's dreams. He is sitting in the swanky mansion again, in the same comfy chair, with the same goofy smirk on his face._

Puru's Voice: Now can I have the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Mark: Not quite yet...

Pink-chan: (_with Puru's voice_) Pleeease?

_Mark wakes up screaming. Kou and Mark both are being held prisoner in a cage, presumably inside the mansion on the jungle estate. And they have a friend in the cage next to them._

Caged-man: Had a bad dream? How you doing, my name's Athrun!

Kou: W-Where are we?

Athrun: We're in the workshop. This is where _she_ keeps me to make _her_ Haros... or where _she_ disciplines people who try to take _her_ Haros...

Mark: How can we get out of here?

Athrun: You can't. So we might as well get to know each other.

_The door to the workshop opens and a pink haired young lady walks through._

Athrun: Lacus! Hey, how was your nap!

Lacus: Wouldn't you like to know.

Kou: Hey, lady! Let us out of here!

Lacus: I think not.

Athrun: Why would you want to leave? This is such a great place!

Mark: Nuh-uh...

Lacus: Lucky for you two I am an honorable gal.

Athrun: Not in the bedroom...

Lacus: Shut up! And get back to making me more Haro servants!

Athrun: Yes, ma'am...

Lacus: I'm going to ask you two one question. If you get the question right, I will let you both go. But, if you get the question wrong, well... lets just say you'll have a great deal of time for Athrun to teach you the great art of Haro-making...

Athrun: I'm really great once you get to know me.

Mark: Dude, you look like a chick.

Lacus: All right, here is my question. What is the average processing speed of the internal computer of a Haro?

_Athrun raises his hand._

Athrun: Oh! Oh! That's so easy! I know! I know! Pass it to me!

Kou: Can we pass it to Athrun?

Lacus: No passing!

Athrun: Then ask to phone a friend!

Lacus: Athrun, shut up or I'll get the whip!

Athrun: The whip!?! Are you really going to whip me?

Lacus: Maybe later, baby.

Kou: Mark, we are so dead... unless... Yeah! If I can answer her own answer with my own question questioning the question she asked she will be thrown over the side of the bridge of death!

Mark: Or maybe we've just been watching to many Monty Python movies, dude?

Kou: Oh... yeah... Well then I guess were doomed to a life of making cheap knock-off Gundam toys like a bunch of children in Hong Kong.

Mark: Wait! Don't give up hope just yet.

_Mark turn to face Lacus._

Mark: On average, the typical mass production Haro children's toy is capable at operating at a sustained internal processing speed of 278.4 teraflops, giving it the ability to process quadtrillions of operations per second.

Lacus: That is... CORRECT!!!

Kou: Dude, how did you know that!?!

Mark: Tech TV!!!

Kou: Yeah, well is it a green Haro or a pink Haro?

Lacus: You've been watching too much Monty Python, haven't you?

Kou: Darn it!

Lacus: Here, let me let you out of that cage.

_Lacus unlocks Kou and Mark's cell door and releases them._

Lacus: Okay. So y'all can, like, leave now... Go on... Shoo.

Kou: Actually, Miss Lacus, we came to talk to you about the Gundam that you bought today. We wanted to know if we could have it back?

Lacus: Uhhhh... No.

Kou: Darn it! Well can we at least get some stuff out of it.

Lacus: Ohhh, all right. Come on.

Athrun: All right! Nice to meet you guys!

Lacus: I don't hear any Haro-making in there!!!

Athrun: Yes ma'am!

_Lacus leaves the workshop with Kou and Mark as Athrun labors away. She leads Kou and Mark outside._

Lacus: Like, where's the Gundam?

Mark: Where's the Gundam, dude?

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

Lacus: I don't know, it was right here and now it's just gone!

Kou: How could you just lose an entire Gundam!?!

Mark: I really don't think that we're the best people to pose that question, Kou.

Lacus: I don't know what to say...

Kou: Lacus, was there anything in the Gundam when you bought it?

Lacus: Well, there was one thing...

_Lacus reaches inside a pocket in her blouse and pulls something out._

Lacus: Here.

_Lacus hands Kou a locker key from Captain Bright's White Base-O-Fun with the number "083" on it._

Kou: Dude! Awesome!

_Kou and Mark decide to head to Captain Bright's, an indoor arcade. They arrive and head indoors and stop one of the employees working the floor._

Kou: Hey, can you tell me where locker 083 is?

Katz: Yeah. It's over to the right wall. Wait, Kou and Mark? Yeah! It's you guys! I've never seen anybody play a game of putt-putt as well as you guys did last night!

Kou: We kicked ass?

Katz: Yeah!

Kou: Well thanks, dude!

_They search along the right side wall until they find locker number zero eighty-three._

Kou: Here it is, dude!

Mark: Open it! Open it!

Kou: All right!

_Kou takes the key out of his pocket and inserts it into the locker._

A familiar manly voice: I sure hope my money is in that locker!

_Kou and Mark turn around to see Mora standing with a purple-haired... person..._

Mark: Eep...

Kou: Who is that?

Mora: This is my special friend, Beltochika.

Beltochika: Nice to meet you guys.

Mark: How the heck do you seem to appear whenever the hell we're about to do something worthwhile?

_Mora grabs Kou and Mark by the throats and slams them into the lockers._

Mora: Stop asking questions, just give me my money!

_Mora drops Kou and Mark._

Kou: Well, here goes nothing.

_Kou re-inserts the key into the locker, and with a simple twist-a-roo it springs open revealing..._

Mora: Ah! My suitcase!

_Mora shoves Kou and Mark out of the way and grabs the suitcase out of the locker. She opens the case, revealing tons of sloppily arranged 100 dollar bills._

Mora: Yes! Thank you guys!

_Mora gives Kou and Mark a kiss on the cheeks._

Beltochika: Thanks for your help, fellas. Great job!

Mora: Come on, we got a shuttle to catch.

Beltochika: Bye.

_Mora and Beltochika leave._

Mark: Aw, dude! Look at all this cool swag!

_Mark reaches into the locker. He pulls out a huge plastic bag full of redeemable Captain Bright gift shop tickets. _

Mark: Sweet! We probably have enough for an Acguy plushie!

_Kou reaches into the locker and pulls out two diplomas from a two-hour intensive Japanese language class with his and Mark's names on them._

Kou: (_speaking in Japanese_) Dude, look at this! We can speak Japanese!

Mark: (also _speaking in Japanese_) Well no duh, dude! We were originally created in Japan and only romanized to English!

Kou: (still _speaking in Japanese_) That's right! Sweet!

_They bow to each other and throw the diplomas aside._

Mark: Well that's everything Kou, but I don't see a Minovsky Transfunctioner in here...

Kou: That's odd... Wait a second. What do we know about the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Mark: That it is a very mysterious and powerful device.

Kou: And?

Mark: That's it.

Kou: No! And its mystery is only exceeded by its power.

Mark: And?

Kou: Dude... Nevermind... Okay. Since nobody seems to know what the Minovsky Transfunctioner looks like, maybe we can just give them anything and trick Garma into letting Cynthia and Nina go, and fool Domon into letting Chandra and his snake go?

Mark: Yeah!

_They pick up the bag of tickets and head to the prize counter._

_At Garma's headquarters..._

Garma: (_hanging up his telephone_) That was Kou and Mark. They have recovered the Minovsky Transfunctioner!

_The cannon-fodder start to cheer._

Garma: Quick! To my daddy's Gallop!

_Garma and the cannon-fodder dweebs head out to meet Kou and Mark._

_Not soon after in Chandra's yard..._

Domon: (_hangs up Chandra's phone_) That was Kou and Mark. They have the Minovsky Transfunctioner!

_The rest of the Shuffle Alliance (who are all wearing very new-looking snake-skin boots) begin to cheer._

Domon: Come on! We'll take my Core Lander!

_Back at Captain Bright's White Base-O-Fun, Mark is toying with the haro puzzle ball._

Mark: Dude, I think I have it all figured out!

_Garma and the cannon-fodder dweebs storm in with Nina and Cynthia._

Garma: All right, hand over the Minovsky Transfunctioner!

Nina: Kou, Mark, help!

Kou: Don't worry!

Mark: We'll save you!

Garma: Do you have the Minovsky Transfunctioner or not?

Kou: Yes! Right here!

_Kou takes a something in a bag out of his jacket pocket and shows it to Garma._

Kou: It's in this bag. Release our girlfriends and we'll give it to you.

Garma: First give me the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: No. First you give us the girls.

Garma: No. You give us the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: How about we do it at the same time?

Garma: Okay!

_Kou tosses the bag into the air and Garma catches it as Nina and Cynthia run over by Kou and Mark._

Kou: Yes!

Garma: We've got the Minovsky Transfunctioner!!!

_Garma opens the bag..._

Garma: Wait a second! This looks just like an Acguy plushie... Are you two sure this thing is really the Minovsky Transfunctioner!?!

Kou: Ummm... Yeah! Of course that's it!

_The Shuffle Alliance walks in holding Chandra hostage._

Domon: There are those losers! All right, give us the Minovsky Transfunctioner and we'll let you friend here go.

Chandra: I've told you a million times I have, those losers aren't my friends!

Kou: Uhh... They got it...

_They point to Garma and his cannon-fodder followers. Domon walks over and slugs Garma, and takes the Acguy plushie._

Domon: All right. Let the loser's friend go.

Chandra: I'm not their friend!

Slender: Hey, that's our Minovsky Transfunctioner!

Domon: Yeah, well now it's mine!

_Domon knocks Slender out cold with one punch._

Kou: Dude, we should get out of here...

Mark: Yeah, come on girls...

_Kou and Mark, Nina, Cynthia, and Chandra try to make their escape, but..._

Puru: Where is the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Mark: We don't have it. So, if you'll excuse us, we'll just make our escapes over that-a-way.

_Kou, Mark, Nina, Cynthia, and Chandra once again try to make their escape, only this time they're going that-a-way, but once again..._

Keiun: Stop.

Zuisen: Where is the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Kou: Look, okay. That guy over there has it!

_Kou points to Domon, who is talking to the Puru clones with the Acguy plushie in hand._

Domon: Here it is.

Sai: You can give us the pleasure here! I won't mind!

Keiun: That is not the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: Shut up! Of course it is, what else would it be!

Mark: Yeah, it's certainly not an Acguy plushie!

Puru Two: That is not the Minovsky Transfunctioner. That is a stuffed doll.

_Kou and Mark try to make a break for it but the Shuffle Alliance blocks there escape path._

Domon: It's Zeon-bashing time!

Garma: We didn't do it! It was Kou and Mark!

_The Shuffle Alliance closes in on Kou and Mark, but just as they are about to receive the thrashing of their lives Mark makes one final turn on the haro puzzle ball and it begins to glow._

Mark: DUDE! I solved it!

Kou: Sweet!

_The haro puzzle ball floats into the air, and begins to morph. It twists and congeals into a larger gray Haro ball. The now larger gray Haro ball's eyes begin to glow red and its ear flaps begin to flap while it emits a sharp beeping noise._

Keiun & Zuisen: Uh-oh...

Mark: Oh, man! I sure hope candy comes out.

Kou: You're thinking of piñatas. And I don't think that's a piñata, Mark...

Zuisen: You have just activated the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: What's it doing?

Garma: Once it reaches the end of its countdown sequence all of existence will be destroyed!

Nina: Yeah... leave it to our boyfriends to destroy existence...

Domon: How do you know that?

Garma: We've been secretly decoding spacenoid transmissions for years...

All the dweebs: (_making a Z-sign with their hands_) Zabi!

Kou: God job, Mark! At least you'll have been the one to destroy existence and not me... like people really need another reason to hate me.

Mark: Oh well, thanks! You know, that really means a lot coming from you.

Kou: I was being sarcastic!!

Mark: Oh, well sooor-ry.

Keiun: Quickly! You must give it to us so we can shut it off.

Zuisen: Ya, we are the Keepers of the Minovsky Transfunctioner. They only wish to use it to destroy the existence.

Puru: No. We are the Keepers of the Minovsky Transfunctioner. They want to use it to destroy the universe.

Zuisen & Keiun: Stop copying us.

Puru: You decease mimicking us.

Zuisen & Keiun: Stop copying us.

Puru: You decease mimicking us.

Zuisen: Bitch.

Keiun: Do you guys not remember? We came to Earth last night to escape these cloned space lolitas--

Zuisen: We met you two--

Keiun: And then you gave us a ride in your Gundam back to our ship. And that's when we realized we had lost the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

_One of the Haro eyes on the Minovsky Transfunctioner stops blinking and the beeping gets louder._

Garma: Oh no! The countdown is half-way over!

Mark: Does that mean the cup is half-empty or half-full?

Domon: It means we're half-blown the hell up thanks to you losers.

Mark: What are we gonna do, dude?

Kou: I don't know. What if we give it to the wrong dudes, dude?

Mark: Which one of them are the real Keepers of the Minovsky Transfunctioner?

Kou: Well, it's simple... We just ask them a question about what happened last night that only the ones that were with us would know the answer to.

Mark: But even we were so wasted we can't remember a thing!

Kou: Well what the hell else do you want us to do, Mark? Draw straws?

Gene: Hurry up!!!

Kou: Quiet! You can't rush genius!

Domon: Yeah, but I'm about to kick some idiots! Hurry up before existence ends!

Kou: Right... So if we really gave somebody a ride in our Gundam last night then they will know the answer to my question. What score did we get on the 18th hole of Captain Bright's White Base-O-Fun's miniature golf course last night?

_The Puru clones and Shaolin monks stare at each other for awhile._

Keiun: You got... a hole-in-one.

Kou: That is-

Puru: If you give us the Minovsky Transfunctioner, we will give you pleasure.

Mark: Okay!

_Mark throws the Minovsky Transfunctioner towards the Puru clones, but Keiun leaps through the air and catches it with his crazy Chinese monk skillz before the Puru clones can._

Keiun: What are you? Stupid?

_Keiun opens up the Haro-esque Minovsky Transfunctioner, revealing a laptop keyboard and computer screen. With a few quick keystrokes the beeping noise stops and the Haro's eyes stop flashing._

Zuisen & Keiun: Deactivation is completed.

_A huge sigh of relief issues from everyone in the room. Except for the Puru clones... who are pissed... quite pissed in fact. Nina and Cynthia run over and hug Kou and Mark._

Nina: Kou, if you don't remember a thing about last night, then how would you know who was telling the truth?

Kou: Elementary my dear, Nina.

Nina: Don't be a smartass...

Kou: The pocky, Nina!

_Kou points to a banner on the wall proclaiming "Get a hole-in-one on the 18th hole of Captain Bight's White Base-O-Fun and win a years supply of pocky."_

Cynthia: That be a pretty good plan, Kou... 'til, Mark's dumb-ass tried to give that glowy-thang to those bimbos anyway. What the hell you be thinkin', Mark?

Mark: Uhh, guys...

_Mark points to the Puru clones who have all congealed into one enormous super-giant Puru clone._

Garma: Oh, my God!

Kou: That is one really sexy fifty-foot under-age cloned spacenoid!

**Really Sexy Fifty-Foot Under-Age Cloned Spacenoid**

_Everyone starts running from the giant Puru._

Kou: Girls, run!

Cynthia: Mark!

Nina: Kou!

Kou: My, God...

Mark: Those are the biggest hoo-hoos I have ever seen!

Domon: Come here you giant space girl! You're about to find out why they call this the "God Finger!" You know you want it! My hand burns and roars with an awesome power! It's bright cry shows me the-- Hey! What the hell?

_While Domon was busy rehashing his standard lines, he was too distracted to realize the giant Puru clone had picked him up._

Domon: (_struggling to break free from the giant Puru clones grasp_) HEY!!! You can't interrupt me while I'm saying my lines! That breaks all the super robot rules!

_The giant Puru clone opens its mouth, and in one quick gulp, swallows Domon whole._

Keiun: We will now use the Minovsky Transfunctioner's Hyper Mega-Particle Pwnage Beam to smite your ho ass!

_The giant Puru clone reaches down and bitch-slaps Keiun before he can use the Minovsky Transfunctioner, sending the device, him and Zuisen flying. Zuisen hits a wall and is knocked out, but Mark catches the Minovsky Transfunctioner._

Kou: What do we do, dude?

Mark: Running would be nice!

_Kou and Mark high-tail it out of the back door of Captain Bright's, and onto the miniature golf course. The Puru clone gives chase and corners them on the 18th hole._

Ku: What am I supposed to do with this thing?

Mark: I'm sure this thing has some kind of weapon!

Kou: But where?

Mark: I don't know? Open it! Quick, that thing is coming!

_Kou opens up the Minovsky Transfunctioner and stares blankly at the screen and keyboard._

Kou: Uh... Now what?

Mark: Well, you should activate it!

Kou: How!?!

Mark: Try hitting that "On" button, and see what that does!

_Kou hits the "On" button and the Haro eyes on the Minovsky Transfunctioner begin to blink._

Mark: We have to figure out what button combination will activate the Hyper Mega-Particle Pwnage Beam and use it on that giant clone whore.

Chandra: Deep in your consciousness you must look. Concentrate on the knowledge inside you must.

_The giant clone draws near and reaches over to grab Kou and Mark._

Mark: Kou, I think this is the end.

Kou: No way, dude... I must concentrate on the knowledge inside...

_Kou hits a few buttons and the Minovsky Transfunctioner closes. The Haro eyes light up and fire a giant pink beam from them. The blast hits the really sexy fifty-foot under-age cloned spacenoid and instantly obliterates it, sending Domon falling to the ground in a sloppy pile of goo._

Mark: Dude, we saved the universe!!!!!

Kou: Ding-dong the bitch is dead!

_Everyone starts cheering and applauding the obliteration of the giant clone. Zuisen and Keiun walk outside to see what all the commotion is about._

Garma: Kou and Mark just saved the world, so... you guys are gonna take us into space... right?

Zuisen: Umm... No.

Garma & his followers: Awww...

_Kou and Mark walk over and Nina and Cynthia hug them. Kou then turns to the monks._

Kou: Here you go.

_Kou hands the Minovsky Transfunctioner back to Zuisen._

Zuisen: Thanks for your help, Kou and Mark.

Nina: That was amazing what you did back there!

Mark: But, dude. . . how did you know what keys to press to activate the Hyper Mega-Particle Pwnage Beam?

Kou: Easy, dude. I did what Chandra said and concentrated on the knowledge inside...

Mark: So what was the button combination?

Zuisen: Simple. Zero Zero Eight Three.

Mark: Nice!!!

Keiun: Kou and Mark, your actions have helped to protect the entire Gundam universe.

Kou: Well, that's all good and well, but, dude, where's my Gundam?

Zuisen: You mean you really don't remember what happened? You two really were wasted last night. I didn't think just one beer could do that to a person.

Mark: Yeah! We're light drinkers.

Keiun: Okay, you two. Before we go we have to make sure nobody has any knowledge of this day.

Kou: No! You can't! Me and Mark have done more character development in this one day than we have in our entire lives! If we lose that, we'll be back to our regular old loser selves!

Zuisen: Hmmmm... Too bad.

_Zuisen hits a button on the Minovsky Transfunctioner and the device's Haro eyes flash white and neuralize everyone..._

_In the early afternoon a Haro alarm clock goes off and a goofy looking dark-haired man wakes up... Kou gets up out of bed and the camera pans around the bedroom and heads out into the living room where a TV is on. On TV, a mass-production Haro is bouncing up and down rapidly. The camera pans to the sofa, where another dorky-looking middle aged man is bouncing up and down on the couch mimicking the Haro on TV. The closet door swings open and a slovenly fat man stumbles out._

Kou & Mark: Morning Ryu.

_Ryu walks across the room and starts urinating on a potted plant and Kou and Mark stare at each other funny._

_Later, Kou and Mark head outside their apartment, shutting the door behind themselves._

Kou: Okay, so first we go over to Nina and Cynthia's place with our anniversary gifts.

Mark: And then?

Kou: Then we apologize for trashing their apartment.

Mark: And then?

Kou: Then we give them their anniversary gifts.

Mark: And then?

Kou: (_he grins_) Then we get our "special treats"!

Mark: And then?

Kou: ...Dude, that's really getting annoying.

Mark: Sorry.

_Kou stops short and stares across the street in frozen horror. A mail truck is parked across the way in front of the obvious as all hell, freakin' huge Gundam GPO3 Dendrobium Orchis, but still despite its massive size..._

Kou: Dude... Where's my Gundam?

Mark: Where's your Gundam, dude?

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

Mark: Where's your Gundam, dude?

Kou: Dude, where's my Gundam?

_The mail truck shifts into gear and drives away, revealing the already obvious as hell Gundam GPO3 Dendrobium Orchis._

Mark: There's your Gundam, dude.

Kou: Oh! Yeah, there it is!

_Later at the girls' house, Kou and Mark give the girls their gifts. They girls open the boxes, which reveal silver bracelets._

Nina: Ohhh "I HEART U."

Cynthia: Maybe you guys don't be such sucky boyfrens afta all.

_They both hug Kou and Mark._

Nina: We have something for you too.

Cynthia: Very "special treats".

Kou & Mark: Shibby!!!

Nina & Cynthia: TA-DA!!!

_Nina and Cynthia pull out monogrammed berets._

Nina: We sewed the names on ourselves.

Kou & Mark: (_sounding very depressed_) Wow...

Nina & Cynthia: Put them on!

_Kou and Mark put on the berets and let out sighs of discontent._

Cynthia: You guys look supa-fly!

Nina: Now who wants to have wild sex!?!

_Kou and Mark immediately raise their hands._

Kou: OHH!! OHH!!! ME!

Mark: I DO!!! ME!!!

Nina: Silly, not until we're married!

_Kou and Mark develop a look on their faces that would seem to indicate they may have just suffered a stroke, a heart attack, a brain aneurysm, and have been struck by lightning all at the same time. Nina and Cynthia go to close their gift boxes when they notice two more boxes._

Cynthia: What these be?

Kou: Uhhh... more gifts.

_They take out the brown boxes and open them to reveal two necklaces with Chinese symbols engraved on them._

Nina: They're beautiful.

Cynthia: Where you got 'dis from?

Kou: From... some place.

_The girls put their necklaces on each other when Mark sees something sticking out the boxes. He picks it up and reads it._

Mark: (_reading the note_) Thank you for helping us save the Gundam universe. We hope your girlfriends like these gifts. We know you will. From: The Keepers of the Minovsky Transfunctioner.

Kou: Dude, how wasted were we last night?

_Kou and Mark look at the girls wearing the necklaces, and the Chinese characters on them start to glow. As the necklaces glow, so do the girls' hoo-hoos grow. And all the Whos down in Whoville do say that Nina and Cynthia's hoo-hoos grew three cup sizes that day._

Kou: Duuuude!!!

Mark: Sweeeet!!!

_Later, Kou, Mark, Nina and Cynthia all pile into the GPO3._

Kou: I'm hungry? Are y'all?

Nina & Cynthia: Yeah.

Mark: All right, let's go!

Kou: Sweet!

_The rocket engines on the GPO3 fire up. It lifts off revealing a vanity license plate hanging above the engines that reads "SHIBBY."_

Kou: Man, my back itches like crazy.

Nina: Woah! Kou, you got a tattoo!

Cynthia: Mark, you got inked too!

Kou: No way! What is it?

Nina: Kou!

Mark: What about mine?

Cynthia: Mark!

Kou: Yeah, but what does mine say?

Nina: Kou!

Mark: What about mine?

Cynthia: Mark!

Kou: I know you're talking to me so just tell me what it says.

Nina: KOU!

Mark: What about mine!?!

Cynthia: MARK!

**THE END, DUDE**

Kou Uraki Jesse Montgomery III

Haro Andrew the chimpanzee

Mark Curran Chester Greenberg

Ryu Jose Gene

Nina Purpleton Wanda

Cynthia Graves Wilma

South Burning Mr. Pizzacoli

Releena Peacecraft Mrs. Crabbleman

Pagan himself

Chandra Sijiema Nelson

Chandra's snake Jackyl

Rain Mikamura Christie Boner

Domon Kasshu Tommy

Tommy's friends

George DeSand

Chobodee Crocket

Sai Saishi

Argo Gulskii

Mora Boscht Tanya

Zoltar's lackeys

Denim

Gene

Slender

Akos

Cozun

Paptimus Scirocco Mr.Lee

Elpe Puru clones Hot Space Chicks

The Manhunters The Police

Bob Marley The real drug dealer

Zuisen Swedish Alien Dudes

Keiun

Judua Ashta Impound lady

Garma Zabi Zoltar

Pink Haro Ostriches

Athrun Zala Mark

Lacus Clyne Pierre

Katz Kobayashi Captain Stu's worker

Beltochika Irma Patty


End file.
